Mar 27, 2017
If you like diapers and philosophical conundrums, you'll enjoy
some of this episode.
I meet Peter Heck at McCalister's to discuss our upcoming
comedy show. He brings me a present. I criticize the name he chose
for his apologetics seminar. We get to the business of planning the
event. This should be fascinating for you, Carl. You can watch the
masterminds do their work!
The Peaches is all worked up about poor people. This is
because she hates them. She quotes Stephen Colbert and we try to
figure out if the United States is a Christian nation. She admits
that she wasn't paying attention in church. I'm appalled.
Separation of church and state is a pretty good idea if you don't
think about it too much. Would Jesus advocate welfare?
After some deliberation, we conclude that Jesus probably
wasn't a Republican.
Annoyingly, the New Testament seems to be talking to me, not
the 'government'. Peaches and I know some actual, real-life, poor
people and we actually care about them! It's possible that
there aren't any real poor people in the United States but we're
NOT going to talk much about that. Cami is 5-years old and
refers to her friend Olivia as 'BFF' and we're not sure how she
learned that term. Compassion International is a great organization
that doesn't have a godless equal. (Sorry. That's true.)
Why would you want a pile of money when you can have a
rickshaw? Eating money is a good way to get dirt in your gut. You
can't take credit for doing good things when somebody holds a gun
to your head. Sometimes, we need to decide whether to buy food or
anti-aircraft shells. Don't judge.
Caring about poor people is especially important if you need
things to Tweet about. The Peaches is morally superior! If you
don't believe it, she'll say it again. She gets pretty loud and I'm
a little frightened. Then she mentions Jesus and I relax a
I'm not trying to start a fight but conflict is ALWAYS wrong.
Jesus never said anything that upset people.
We wrote quotes that are perfectly circular. We're pretty
proud of them. Then we talk about an atheist advice column that I
An atheist quoted scripture to me. Called me out for not
behaving like Jesus. The same Jesus he insists never existed.
Woohoo! The same dude wouldn't admit that hypocrisy is bad. It's a
merry, rollicking conversation about incoherence.
Paul because 'all things to all people' and we think that's a
pretty fun way to have conversations. Maybe people who are
'compassionate' and 'kind' are actually just chicken. It's our
standing policy to not talk about the Bible with people who think
the Bible is useless. We don't talk about God with people who don't
believe in God. And we upset people on both sides.
I'm trying to figure out what I mean by "me". Personally, I
don't know what "I" is. The question is, "What is you?"
We discuss the evil of giving ultrasounds to mothers without
explaining what the ultrasounds actually shows. Deception is handy
when you're wanting to keep abortion legal.
It's hard to keep fools from looking foolish. Laughter isn't
hatred. Ridicule is not a lack of affection. Truly!